WHY DO MEN MAKE KIDS BUT DON'T TAKE CARE OF THEM

[Constance clowney]

MY (DAD) NAME IS BILLY CAIN JR. HE WENT TO THIS SCHOOL AND I HAVE FOUND HIM ON THIS AND I AM TRYING TILL THIS DAY UNDERSTAND WHY HE MADE ME AND LEFT ME HIGH AND DRY TO MY MOM ALL BY HERSELF FOR 18 LONG YEARS HE HAS BEEN RUNNING FROM THE POLICE FROM STATE TO STATE AND HAD A NEW CHILD NOT CALLED ME TRY TO GET IN CONTACT WITH ME DIDN'T COME TO MY GRADUATION OR NOTHING SO I AM ASKING WHAT TO DO?

[Kim D]

WOW! Young lady that is a question that many people would like to know. In my opinion, there is not a good enough reason why a man would do that.
Whether the kid was intentional or a surprise, it should not matter. Because once the kid is here, it has to be taken care of. END of story.
Now, obviously that does not always happen. Many men do walkout on their responsibility as parent.
They say, " I did not want the kid", They say, " she trapped me" and sometimes they don't say anything. Either response it not good. Because if a man did not want a kid, he should take the necessary precautions to ensure that he does not have a kid. He should not pass the responsibility of not having a kid onto anyone else.
Some men don't realize or even care about the disaster they create when they abandon their children. Those children wonder why their dad doesn't want them. They sometimes feel self doubt and insecure. They sometimes act out and self destruct, all because they are trying to find the answer to the burning question you've proposed...
Constance, I applaud your mom for being there for you and taking care of you. I would suggest that you dig deep and take care of self. I can imagine that it's easier said than done, but try to move on with your life. Make the best of it. Don't waste time wondering why he (your dad) walked out on you.
Set personal goals for youself. Make yourself proud of you and love yourself.
Trust God and ask that he be the dad/father that you need and that you deserve.

[Kenita ~ Pricele$$]

You have definitely pulled at my heart string young lady!! Being a single mother and knowing the impact the absentee parent plays in the life of a child, I am still baffled by the decisions they make. You can not worry or concentrate you energy on things you have no control of sweetie. God will and shall deal with him and those like him. I want you to never stop telling and showing your mother and those that helped to raise you how much you love, respect and appreciate them. Know that God makes no mistakes, he is incapable of such. You are here for a reason and I am sure that your mother has given you everything she can and sometimes things that she couldn't and still made a way for you. Trust and believe that God is in control of everything and everyone. Live your life as if there was nothing and no one missing from it baby...You are BEAUTIFUL, PHENOMENAL, and DESTINED to be great!!! Learn from disappointments and thrive in spite of them....Be Blessed Sweetie!

[Gary J. Lewis]

Sweetheart there is no perfect answer to this question. I can relate to the feelings of abandonment and betrayal, but you must not let this consume you. Until you have your answers there will always be questions, but there is a possibility that you may not get your answers. You must learn to be okay with this and with yourself. You are not and were not the problem. That is and always will be between your parents. The way I look at it is he missed out on an opportunity to be part of a great life and he missed out. Go forward with your life, if you can find him and if that will give you comfort then keep looking. But please don't let this stop you from reaching your potential and living life without regret. As to your question of why we brothers make them but don't take care of them... all i know is that we have a lot of growing up to do as black men (myself included). It will have to be an honest evaluation of each man's own inner being and a decision to do what he was born to do. We must also recognize that women own some of the responsibility also. They choose some of these busters and then they also have children by them and then wonder why they are not what we want them to be? It is a serious question that has many complicated answers.

[Christopher Dixon]

Sex drive and responsibility are two very different things...


Chris

[Markay Folks]

How are you doing? Looks to me just fine. First of all you need to tell your Mother thank you for all of her love and support over these past 18yrs. There's really no one answer to why men have kids but don't take care of them. Alot of these guys grew up without male role models (Fathers) in their lives and most don't know what to do when it comes to being one. I grew up without my real Pops, but thank God for my Step Pops who stepped in and filled that gap. As far as I'm concerned my StepPops is my Pops! It's sad but this happens everyday. It takes a REAL MAN to be a Father and I wanna take this time to tell all the REAL FATHERS to keep up the good job, and hopefully when your young men have kids this will break that ugly cycle! Stay strong and positive young lady!

[Zandra]

You have asked a question that I can relate to personally. I had those very same questions when I was younger. My mom struggled hard to take care of us and I am very thankful everyday. I did, however have the chance to ask my father those very same questions. Funny though, I didn't really want to know the answer anymore. My father and I still communicate, and I have forgiven him for his mistake. He indeeds lives everyday and knows that it was a mistake on his part. I say this because he wants us to have a relationship much like the relationship I have with my mother, but I let him know that he does not have that right anymore. He tries to give me advice and try to play the father role but I put him in his place and let him know, he gave up that right a long time ago. Time is a funny thing. All the running around he did and not really caring about me or my other siblings is now his biggest regret. We are all that he has. But he doesn't really have us, now does he. Continue to be who you are and don't look back. Keep God first and everything will be okay.

[TAMMIE D JENNINGS]

Constance, How are you. First of all I blame some of that on the female parents because you have a man that already have kids and they don't that care of them and some of these females go out here an have a baby for that same man. I feel if he is not taking care the one or ones that he already have then he is not going to take care of yours. Sometimes you have mothers that leave their kids also because they are afraid of the responsibilities as a mother. Yes I came from a single parent home of ten kids and my dad wasn't here for three of us. Yeah he used too do little things but that didn't stop us from making it. Sometimes they use that an excuse too get back at the mother by not taking care of the child becasuse that can't control the mother and what her situation is. No court or judge should have too tell a man when too take of their children because they didn't tell them when too have them. Stay positive and keep doing positive things because one day he will come around and you want be their for him.

[Tammy Jones]

I feel you on that. Its hard to raise kids by yourself,some men can be so stupid. A mother goes thru alot with kids, sick-well,morning-night, being the mother & father, teacher,doctor,best friend and being the world for them. See some men have one thing on their mind is sex. And when the mother become pregnant its just like he is on a track team they take off as if they didn't do anything. It takes 2 people a woman and a man to make a baby and I feel it take two to raise a child, I'm not saying to be together I mean to raise the child.But if another good man step in and can accept that child as his then the hell with the real father. I can't stand a man whom got kids and don't do anything for the child. That is the weakest man in the world. And they think he be hurting the mother be no its really hurting that child. A baby didn't ask to be born so why put so much hurt and pain in that child life. Constance you stay strong. Because it gonna be a day he is gonna need you for something, or he gonna wish that he was apart of your life. God isn't sleep he knows, and he will make a way.

[Hawatha Joyner]

It's only one good answer for that question... they are TRIFLING. JUST TRIFLING TO THE THIRD POWER, AND I MEAN THAT ON ALL I LOVE AND RESPECT!!!!!!!!! I know I've clowned around with most of my responses to the other questions, but not this one. I am as serious as HIV with this one. To hear questions like this really gets me pissed! Bottom line...... THEY'RE JUST TRIFLING!!!!! So don't let it get you down, keep doing you and be blessed ya dig! Peace & Blessings

[James Michael Love]

First let me say I'm very sorry you have had to go through this, your mom as well. Most of all I'm sorry for your dad that he has missed out on so much of your life and accomplishments. You have memories that he will never share. My hats off to you and your mother because I know it couldn't have been easy. On to your question Why do men make kids and don't take care of them ? I think most of it is immaturity they want to play grown up and do what grown ups do but aren't grown up enought to handle their responsibilities. My wife was raised with out her father also and I know it was hard for and on her. Rest assured that everything that happens is for a reason even if it doesn't make sense to us God has a purpose and a plan for each of us and he will continue to take care of you.

[DJ PHINGAZ]

wow...your mother is your father. billy cain is not a man and if he is he wouldnt have done it. im a father myself. my son is 2 hours away from me but i see him and talk to him every chance i get.

Billy hasnt done anything in the past, i doubt if he would do anything now. the lord is with you. PRAY

[Travis D Glaster]

Dont follow in his foot steps! You cant choose who your parents are even who you love but you can choose to do better by learning to put that negative energy behind you. Love him because he's your father. That's enough and when or if the time comes you ask him with your head up high! Please do not put a lot of expectation in him as he has made his choice in life. Just dont follow him by 1. forgiving him 2. praying for guidance from God 3. Get some strong positive female role models in your life that are married and that are putting their family first. You have a lot of re-building to do, so get to work. And let him be who he is but always pray for him. There's no way to balance 18 years of pain without losing more time. God will give you the strength! Be Bless on your journey