WHY DO WOMEN FLIP ON & STEREOTYPE MEN SAYING THEY DON'T WANT TO BE IN THEIR CHILD'S LIFE?

[Phillip Kinard]

I read the comments that people left on Constance Clowney's ? but noboby kept it Real with her. There is a flip side to the coin, two sides of the story.Who knows what went down between the mother & father... or the father's situation. Don't get it twisted, a man MUST take care of his seed. If he don't have the doe GO OUT & GET IT BY ALL MEANS!!! Now, it could be a # of reasons why dad don't come thru... I say Fu*k tradition, for example: Tradition says, no matter what, pick up the phone & call your baby. But Yo, why can't she pick up the phone, dial his # & say here talk to your father. The mother is no more IMPORTANT than the father. It should be 50/50 all across the board. WORD!! I don't know who was the Crab that gased women up & gave them all the rights, that's some Bulls*%t... However I do agree that communication between the mother & father is neccessary. To all the REAL MEN, you NEED to understand this when it comes to women: There's only one of You & over a million of them. If you can't see eye-to-eye with her, BOUNCE!! But do what you can do. Something is better than nothing @ all. Besides, if you don't you'll go to JAIL...LOL. Yo, to some it all up.. STOP judging the father before you get an understanding of what Really went down... I also grew up without my father. Love your mother but she ain't always RIGHT. & give dad a little more than just the big piece of chicken....LOL Peace
Tags: kinard, phillip

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[Dexter Bowman]

I totally understand what you mean, Phil. Not all father's are bad, and not all father's need to be on Child Suppor, either. The majority of the time, the woman still have feelings for the men, and would do anything they can to destroy him, because he doesn't want to be with her. She would not allow you to see your kid(s) if you are with another woman, but she can have your kid(s) around another man. It's to the point now, that most females think that they should have custody of the kid(s), because she's the mother. But there are so many men who can do better than the mother. Most woman are in it for the money or just the man, and then when they can not handle the job...they then want to hand over the kid(s) to the father...after she has programmed them for failure.

A woman should always inform a kid(s) of who their fahter is, and if a man knows that she hasn't inform the kid(s), then HE should take the responsibility to inform the kid(s) of his side of the story, and then leave it up to the kid(s) to accept them or not, but always be honest to your kid(s). I always tell my boys that I would never tell them a lie to a question that they ask me, because I do not want to set them up for failure or be liars themselves. Who better to give an honest opinion than your parents. Others will tell them what they want to benefit themselves.

Every parent deserve a chance...especially fathers. Some of us may start out bad, but REAL MEN grow out of their bad habits to better their lives and the future of the kid(s).

[Joy Bovian]

Dexter,

You make good points here! Not all fathers are bad, some are! One of my brothers have 7 kids(but claim 1 so 8) by 4 different women. He takes care of all of them the best he can financially. A great dad physically and mentally. I guess I can say that because we were raised by a GREAT DAD(RIP).

You are correct! The majority of the time the woman still have feelings for the man. I am a strong believer of KARMA. I don't retaliate on NOTHING.

Now, I don't agree with telling the kids of what went wrong between you and the mother! If my kids every ask, I would just tell them that we had some IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES, and the fathers agree. That eliminate anyone having to tell 2 different sides of a story. All that should matter is that the kids have relationships with both parents. Not what happened in the past! Being honest with them is good makes the relationship between you & them strong. Every parent does deserve a chance and REAL MEN do grow out of their bad habits(I've seen that myself).

[Mr. Lawrence]

Yo Blunt...I feel you on this topic. I was in the same boat. Single mom reason a knuckle head like myself was definately hard on a sister. My father did what he did. My mom never demanded anything from him, but she never denied him the privilage of seeing me or anything like that.

[Dexter Bowman]

Our mom is one of the GOOD/GREAT ones, Lenny. Material things (MONEY) in which woman are raised on now isn't important. Just having the father in the kid(s) life should be the first priority...no matter what. Let the child(ren) decide if they want to have their father in their lives.

[Joy Bovian]

Again, another point I agree with. "Let the child(ren) decide if they want to have their father in their lives." This is true! I can assure you that a mother does not have to fill the child's head up with what the father does/does not do. If the father is lying about coming to pick the child up, buy the child something, or whatever. When that child gets old enough to talk or understand, put the phone to the child ear or tell the father to go talk to the child. I don't relay no messages to my kids from their dad unless they call and to return the call. If the father is consistent with disappointing the child, the child will get his/her own image of their father. He/she does not need the mother to do it for them.

[Eyitayo]

Possessions nine-tenths of the law...If she's got the kid, the story the child's going to hear is going to be from her perspective. There's no way around it. So you can expect a kid accept their mother's account as the full truth. If we as men don't want to be the "bad guy", we got to stop having kids with women that dont know how to cooperate for mutual benefit. And if you honestly happen to be unlucky and get the crazy lady trying to deny you your rights as a father. Fight that shht in court like you would any bogus case...The courts are beginning to realize the bias isnt helping anybody out, man or woman...

[Anita Chavis]

Speaking from experience, I have always left my door open to my sons' dads. Whether they came with a slice of bread or not, they are welcome. They chose not to enter. As for making a phone call, well if he keeps changing the #, how can u call? Yes, I know we have some women that may be bitter by the breakup and use the child as ammo against the dad, which is dead wrong? We all need to become mature adults. We can raise children even if we aren't under the same roof. Then that brings in the issues of the other man/woman that's also a part of the child's home. We must make the blended family work for all children, even if they aren't biologically yours. HATS OFF 2 U, Phil!!!!!!!!

[Joy Bovian]

OK. I may be the first woman to agree with you on that! One thing I have always made clear to my female friends. Give them a chance to be a father. Push aside the personal feelings and know that regardless what went wrong between you & him, that child need to have a relationship with his/her father. Allow the father to make the decision rather he wants to be there or not. I even been through the storm with one of my kids dad, but just remained humble and allowed his behind to GROW UP. In my heart, I knew he was going through something and would turn out for the better in the end. Some men, you don't see that, NOW that's the truth. My mom and dad split up when I was little, regardless of their arguments or disagreements, I NEVER heard my mom say anything negative about my dad(at least not in front of me) and he wasn't consistent on the child support payments but he came to get us EVERY SUMMER.

I have never pushed my kids' dads away. I don't argue with them when it comes to what my child needs, I know and understand(as well as the kids) that they can't get everything they want. When I call and say something is NEEDED, that's what I EXPECT. When I call and say something is WANTED, we make a decision. I have 3 kids by 2 wonderful dads. We get together sometimes to do things with them, when things go wrong-I talk it over with the fathers to allow them to be apart of the decision and I live in a totally different state then the both of them. I am a person who don't have time for DRAMA; between us or with the girlfriends/wives. To be honest, when women act like that, two things caused it, 1) the father is really a deadbeat or 2) personal feelings. Don't get me wrong now, if they were deadbeat dads, and they need someone to TELL them to help provide. I have no problem contacting a lawyer or DCF/DSS/CS/IRS(or whatever you call them)-lol.

I respect my kids' fathers, they can come to me if needed, I don't mingle in their personal lives(unless they talk about it), we do disagree but we are GROWN FOLKS and know how to settle by giving space sometimes, we even call to check on each other. I may even be 1 in a million women to be this blessed with these kinds of fathers, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

I love both of my kids' fathers, I respect and trust them, I thank them for sending their money faithfully to help provide, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I THANK THEM FOR GETTING THE KIDS EVERY SUMMER TO GIVE ME A PIECE OF MIND SO I WILL NOT CATCH ANY CHARGES, LOL!

I'm gonna share this with yall, then I am going to stop babbling, lol! When you don't shut them out, b***h about every little thing, or bring in the personal feelings it would work out better for you and the child. One year I resigned from my job due to my 2nd child having asthma attacks. We spent more time in the hospital then at home, so it was hard for me to work. I didn't know what to do other then pray. Well God answered my prayers through the fathers. They both stepped in. I stayed out of work for about a year due to my son being diagnosed with severe asthma(everything triggers it) til we were able to get it stable. Anyways, my rent was paid every month, light bill, phone bill, car note, and car insurance! I went back to school(2 yrs ago now) and graduate this summer and back to work(1 and 1/2 yrs now) at a job closer to home. If I was nasty, b***hy to them, they probably wouldn't helped me, and took the kids if I was evicted with no where to go.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LET GO AND LET GOD! BE HUMBLE!

[Xenovia Yvette (Minor) Void]

I couldn't have said it better! I agree with alot of the responses. I have 6 children and 2 fathers. One of them has a hard time seeing his children from a previous relationship. I feel like some women use their children as leverage for what went wrong in their relationship. The child is the one that suffers, not the father.

[Dexter Bowman]

Preach on, Stacey!

It is a two way street, but the majority of time, we men always get to be the bad guy, because the woman want to be with the man so bad, that they destroy what little humilty a mad was trying to keep and push them away to leave and not hold up to his responsibility.

There are also a lot of woman who just want to be with the man because of who he is or for what he has (that all mighty $$$). I just hate the fact that he or she hold the child hostage from the other parent, and then when the child wants their parent, the other parent tells lies or implant a bad history in that childs mind about the other parent.

Like you said, Stacey. Keep it real and let the child decide, or you will regret it in the long run.

What's really funny is that a few of us on here know a lot about what we are really saying on here, and who we are talking about...LOL

The sad thing is that some parents are trying or have worked things out between them, but it too late for the child(ren), because they are totally disrespectful, etc.

[jackie preek hallman]

thats right phil long time no see .this preek whats up

[Tiawana Shuler-Morris]

No one picks the Mommy or Daddy but you. Know what you are doing before you do it and choose wisely. Sit down and decide will he leave or will he stay? Will he be a good role model? Do he ever complete anything he sit out to do? Do he run from problems or stay and work them out. Remember the choice is yours.